People hate commercials. That’s nothing new, but I would like to call attention to some recent ones that I find particularly infuriating. See I actually don’t mind good commercials, those being ones that are very entertaining (most Captain Morgan ones) and/or informative. But just like with movies and television shows, if they’re poorly written and/or make no sense, the people responsible should be canned. NOTE: Most if not all of these can be found on YouTube.
Trojan Condoms
The scene is inside of a restaurant/bar and all men are being portrayed as pigs. That part I can deal with because most guys who go to bars to pick up a chick are pigs, but one of the pigs is hitting on a girl who’s clearly not interested, he gets up, goes to the bathroom and gets a condom, comes back and suddenly she sees him as an attractive man even though he looks like a gay Enrique Inglesias with an Emo hair cut. So we’re supposed to believe that 1) She somehow magically knows that he bought a condom. Given her expression as he left one can assume that he did not tell her that’s what he was leaving to do, and 2) Buying a condom somehow makes him less of a douche bag suddenly.
Levi Jeans
This one’s very new. Two kids staring into each other’s eyes nervously, the girl asking the guy if it’s his first time as they slowly undress only for it to be revealed that they’re jumping off a high pier into water. Now to me it’s obvious from the get go that we’re being given a red herring because for starters it’s a commercial and the kids are out doors. But while both kids could be 18 and just looking young, they both look like their 15 at most and the way the commercial is filmed is like porn for a pedophile. It’s so uncomfortable to watch that I have to change the channel whenever it’s on.
Twix
Whoever writes these commercials hates women or at the very least thinks they’re all morons. I’m all for sexist jokes, aimed at men or women, but only when they’re so over the top that it’s obviously a joke. These are just painful. The newest is a guy talking to a woman at a party. The woman is going off on some pretentious rant and at a pause the guy asks her back to his place (showing that he also is an idiot), she gets offended and he crams a Twix down his maw to give him time to think of something to get him out of trouble. He then creates some equally pretentious, and obviously made up story about wanting to be alone to continue their retarded conversation back at his place, she smiles, feeling like an idiot for jumping to what was actually an accurate conclusion and leaves with him. So to recap, in the Twix universe, all women are gullible and stupid.
Scion
Hundreds of various cars and SUV’s drive across the country for obviously days, coming to a perfectly carved out auditorium style crater and park with all their lights on as a guy in a hooded sweat shirt steps up to a microphone and gives an embarrassingly unimpressive 15 second speech (yes I timed it) about how, “It’s what makes us different that brings us together.” I already don’t like Scions. Their first two models were boxes with wheels and I’m baffled how they made any money to survive longer as a company. But this commercial, clearly designed to be inspiring, is just painfully lame from the actual words used to the weak voice of the guy giving the speech. I picture the writer sitting in a room with his friends and family, showing them a DVD with his first commercial ever, and from there on it plays out like that scene from the Poochie episode of the Simpsons.
Paintball Dave’s
Ok, this is a local radio commercial that drives me crazy. It opens with a guy talking about being the best man at eight weddings in six years, but it’s not because all those guys are his best friends, it’s because he plans “the most amazing bachelor parties,” involving going to Paintball Dave’s. I can not put into words how enraged I am by the shear stupidity of the idea of someone being picked to be a best man at a wedding based solely on their ability to plan a great bachelor party.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Hot off the heals of the mega-successful and first cohesive Marvel Movie-verse film Iron Man, came The Incredible Hulk. Unlike Iron Man however, the early production news of Hulk was painful and depressing. First was the decision to pretend the first movie never happened, which while understandable it did not give a sense of comfort. Secondly was announcing the Zak Penn, the hack who wrote X-Men 3, would be writing it. And then lastly was announcing that Louis Leterrier, director of The Transporter 2 which featured some astoundingly ridiculous action scenes, would helm it. But then a funny thing happened, Ed Norton was cast as Bruce Banner and all of my fears vanished. A little known fact is that Ed Norton has a clause in his contracts that allows him to re-write scripts as he sees fit and while that may sound like a d*ck move all writers who’ve worked with him have said that typically he works very respectfully with the writers and actually brings added reality to the characters. And according to many interviews and other blurbs, Norton and Leterrier rewrote the pretty much entire script.
(SIDE NOTE: Why do I think Zak Penn is a hack, aside from the entirety of X-Men 3 that is? In an interview about the movie he stated that the character of Emil Blonsky would not be called Abomination because it’s a silly name. Yeah, because casual movie goers are going to be turned off by a silly name like Abomination. Because Magneto, Professor X, Doctor Octopus, The Thing, Doctor Doom, Silver Surfer, Punisher, Spider-Man, Sandman, Mr. Fantastic, and even Batman, Superman are in no way silly. Actually Abomination is less silly then every single one of those. Again, Zak Penn is a hack.)
But did it work?
Hell yes!
I still enjoy the original, the way they addressed the inner demons idea to the Hulk and what not, but this movie was THE perfect Hulk movie. A fantastic move in that the origin is told via images and small clips played during the opening credits therefore allowing the story to pick up with Banner already on the run. Plenty of action, incredibly well laid out characters, a couple great cameos, many references to the original TV series, and some actions that are now considered classic Hulk staples such as the Hulk Clap (not an STD). Everything about it felt pure and true to the comic while at the same time telling a pretty original story.
All the actors brought their A game which to me helped to further eliminate the pretentious idea of, “it’s just a comic book movie.” Tim “Mr. Orange” Roth is absolutely polarizing as Emil Blonsky every time he’s on screen, even in scenes where he’s just sitting and waiting for something to happen you can just feel this urgency inside of his character. William Hurt does a phenomenal job of making General Ross a complete @$$hole who honestly believes that what he’s doing is the right thing, something completely lacking from the very likable portrayal by Sam Elliot in the first one. Liv Tyler, though not on the same level as Roth or Hurt, did bring an added human feel to the character of Betty Ross that I just can’t put my finger on how to describe, it just felt natural and real. On that same note Ed Norton was of course awesome taking over the roll of Bruce Banner.
There are plenty of geek out moments such as the introduction of Dr. Leonard Sampson (though this can be missed) and Samuel Sterns (if you don’t know who that is and you haven’t seen the movie, I won’t spoil it for you). Also they reference a few Marvel-verse things such as certain World War II points of interest as well as another S.H.I.E.L.D. reference (which is impossible to miss), and of course a line that were horribly lacking from the first movie. I’ll leave you to guess what it was.
Marvel Movie Score: 9.5
Why This?: It is impossible to make a fun Hulk movie. Well it is possible but that’s not what the Hulk is about. Since it’s about inner demons and what not it’s going to have to be a little dark and therefore not as fun as Iron Man, and therefore it’s the only reason I can’t give it a 10. But obviously I believe it to be a great movie and I’m sad to hear that there may not be a sequel because they really set one up, though depending on how they do the Avengers movie that could easily work as the sequel. Additionally Ed Norton had a little bit of a disagreement with Marvel Studios as he wanted the final cut of the movie to be a little more story driven and a little less action. Hopefully he now understands that they were really gun shy about doing this after the fallout of the first movie.
(SIDE NOTE: Why do I think Zak Penn is a hack, aside from the entirety of X-Men 3 that is? In an interview about the movie he stated that the character of Emil Blonsky would not be called Abomination because it’s a silly name. Yeah, because casual movie goers are going to be turned off by a silly name like Abomination. Because Magneto, Professor X, Doctor Octopus, The Thing, Doctor Doom, Silver Surfer, Punisher, Spider-Man, Sandman, Mr. Fantastic, and even Batman, Superman are in no way silly. Actually Abomination is less silly then every single one of those. Again, Zak Penn is a hack.)
But did it work?
Hell yes!
I still enjoy the original, the way they addressed the inner demons idea to the Hulk and what not, but this movie was THE perfect Hulk movie. A fantastic move in that the origin is told via images and small clips played during the opening credits therefore allowing the story to pick up with Banner already on the run. Plenty of action, incredibly well laid out characters, a couple great cameos, many references to the original TV series, and some actions that are now considered classic Hulk staples such as the Hulk Clap (not an STD). Everything about it felt pure and true to the comic while at the same time telling a pretty original story.
All the actors brought their A game which to me helped to further eliminate the pretentious idea of, “it’s just a comic book movie.” Tim “Mr. Orange” Roth is absolutely polarizing as Emil Blonsky every time he’s on screen, even in scenes where he’s just sitting and waiting for something to happen you can just feel this urgency inside of his character. William Hurt does a phenomenal job of making General Ross a complete @$$hole who honestly believes that what he’s doing is the right thing, something completely lacking from the very likable portrayal by Sam Elliot in the first one. Liv Tyler, though not on the same level as Roth or Hurt, did bring an added human feel to the character of Betty Ross that I just can’t put my finger on how to describe, it just felt natural and real. On that same note Ed Norton was of course awesome taking over the roll of Bruce Banner.
There are plenty of geek out moments such as the introduction of Dr. Leonard Sampson (though this can be missed) and Samuel Sterns (if you don’t know who that is and you haven’t seen the movie, I won’t spoil it for you). Also they reference a few Marvel-verse things such as certain World War II points of interest as well as another S.H.I.E.L.D. reference (which is impossible to miss), and of course a line that were horribly lacking from the first movie. I’ll leave you to guess what it was.
Marvel Movie Score: 9.5
Why This?: It is impossible to make a fun Hulk movie. Well it is possible but that’s not what the Hulk is about. Since it’s about inner demons and what not it’s going to have to be a little dark and therefore not as fun as Iron Man, and therefore it’s the only reason I can’t give it a 10. But obviously I believe it to be a great movie and I’m sad to hear that there may not be a sequel because they really set one up, though depending on how they do the Avengers movie that could easily work as the sequel. Additionally Ed Norton had a little bit of a disagreement with Marvel Studios as he wanted the final cut of the movie to be a little more story driven and a little less action. Hopefully he now understands that they were really gun shy about doing this after the fallout of the first movie.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
It's Finally Over!
So Favre is a NY Jet now, and I couldn’t be happier. Well I could be because he could be playing for a better team, but still.
Don’t get me wrong I am a Packer fan and originally Favre’s retirement was part of my New Old Stuff article, but now his legacy has been tarnished in my mind and it’s his own fault. He retired, changed his mind, and then played the victim when the Packer organization didn’t welcome him back with open arms after they gave him every chance in the world to consider and re-consider his decision before announcing it to the world. And the theory that he may have done this on purpose to get to another team just further tarnishes his legacy if it’s true.
As for why I’m glad he’s not coming back as a Packer, aside from being incredibly irritated at his drama-queen like personality of the past few years; Brett Favre is destined to have one of the worst seasons in his career not just because he has to learn and adapt to a whole new offensive game and a new team, but he will suffer the full brunt of the Madden Curse. If you don’t know what that is, it’s the theory, supported by a lot of convenient circumstances, that when a player appears on the cover of a John Madden football game they will then have either a bad season or suffer an injury that keeps them out for most of the season. Favre in Packer jersey is set to appear on the cover of Madden ’09.
I hope within a decent amount of time I’ll be able to again look back at how great Favre was, but as of now that’s difficult to imagine. But right now he does get some of my sympathies because Favre is showing a lot of classic signs of a form of serious depression, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Hopefully someone close to him takes note of all the people saying it and convinces him to get help.
Don’t get me wrong I am a Packer fan and originally Favre’s retirement was part of my New Old Stuff article, but now his legacy has been tarnished in my mind and it’s his own fault. He retired, changed his mind, and then played the victim when the Packer organization didn’t welcome him back with open arms after they gave him every chance in the world to consider and re-consider his decision before announcing it to the world. And the theory that he may have done this on purpose to get to another team just further tarnishes his legacy if it’s true.
As for why I’m glad he’s not coming back as a Packer, aside from being incredibly irritated at his drama-queen like personality of the past few years; Brett Favre is destined to have one of the worst seasons in his career not just because he has to learn and adapt to a whole new offensive game and a new team, but he will suffer the full brunt of the Madden Curse. If you don’t know what that is, it’s the theory, supported by a lot of convenient circumstances, that when a player appears on the cover of a John Madden football game they will then have either a bad season or suffer an injury that keeps them out for most of the season. Favre in Packer jersey is set to appear on the cover of Madden ’09.
I hope within a decent amount of time I’ll be able to again look back at how great Favre was, but as of now that’s difficult to imagine. But right now he does get some of my sympathies because Favre is showing a lot of classic signs of a form of serious depression, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Hopefully someone close to him takes note of all the people saying it and convinces him to get help.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I Have Returned!!!
I know that all of my readers (that’s right, all three of you) have been wondering where I’ve been and why no updates in months. Well coincidentally shortly after my Iron Man review work became incredibly busy to the point where I was regularly working 50+ hours a week leaving me tired and stressed regularly and therefore uncomfortable trying to write anything remotely creative.
So now that my project is pretty much wrapped up and a regular 40 hour work week seems like it’s par for the course again and my stress vanished quicker than the theatrical release of Postal (yes it was released in theaters, look it up if you don’t believe me), I can get back to doing what I love, writing. Now a few things of note have occurred in the months of Marvel Movie reviews and my absence due to work, but I have kept notes of things I want to touch on, most of which is stuff I’m sure no one even remembers. So I present you with…
New Old Stuff
Sharper Image Self Destructs
Like many people, I really detest Sharper Image. They regularly took mediocre-to-cruddy merchandise like a $40 CD player, put their name on it and then charged $250 for it, and then rich assholes would buy it thinking it’s top of the line shit. Now if they were just doing this to sucker rich people, that would’ve been fine, then I’d just be upset that I wasn’t in on the scam, but clearly they thought of themselves as legitimate. Another great example to this fact is that a few years ago an independent study was done on home air filters. This study found a few inexpensive, “no name” brand models to be incredibly effective, and that the Sharper Image ones were absolutely terrible. Sharper Image then sued the study group. Fortunately nothing actually came of it since they had no grounds, but the papers actually were drawn up and delivered.
Patrick Swayze Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer
Now I’m not a Swayze fan per say. His being in movies I’ve watched has been coincidental, but I’ve always found him to be entertaining. On top of that he has always seemed like an easy going and fun guy. A fun note is that the story was broke by the National Inquirer who had one hell of a scoop on their hands but instead of just reporting it as is, they over embellished/lied about it, further insuring that they will never have any credibility as a legitimate news source. For any one reading this who doesn’t know, the National Inquirer reported that he was diagnosed and projected with only 2 weeks to live. Several people close to Mr. Swayze, including his doctor, his agent, and his mother, immediately came to the media to say that it’s no where near that bad and that at this point the cancer is minor, was caught early and is responding well to treatment. In any case, at some point in the near future I will be toasting the man’s life with a double feature viewing of Steel Dawn/Red Dawn. Wolverines, indeed.
Anotherdarkhole.com Officially Laid to Rest
The site is completely down, stripped away to an error page. I’m partially interested to see if someone else picks up the domain name years down the line. On the plus side I still have all the articles and what not saved on my hard drive for reflection. It’s only in retrospect now I realize that in paying for the domain service I was technically a self published writer for a time. Thanks to Caleb, the Rubicon, SNM, Pimp, everyone who’s ever visited even by accident, and everyone who in any way influenced anything we did. My only regret was that we never got to do a Random Celebrity Random Showdown featuring the Wall from American Gladiators, which was included in our list of events for the sole purpose of making a joke about the original Siren, who was deaf.
Rick Flair Retires
When it comes to wrestling, he truly is The Man! Yes greats have come before and will yet keep coming, but no one, absolutely no one will match the legacy that is Rick Flair. And on a personal note, my introduction to him was through absolutely amazing feuds with one of my personal childhood favorites, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat. Wrestlers today can only hope that their best matches can be as good as Flair and Steamboat’s worst ones. Thank you, Space Mountain for giving 100% every time you stepped in that ring. Wooooooooooo!!!
So now that my project is pretty much wrapped up and a regular 40 hour work week seems like it’s par for the course again and my stress vanished quicker than the theatrical release of Postal (yes it was released in theaters, look it up if you don’t believe me), I can get back to doing what I love, writing. Now a few things of note have occurred in the months of Marvel Movie reviews and my absence due to work, but I have kept notes of things I want to touch on, most of which is stuff I’m sure no one even remembers. So I present you with…
New Old Stuff
Sharper Image Self Destructs
Like many people, I really detest Sharper Image. They regularly took mediocre-to-cruddy merchandise like a $40 CD player, put their name on it and then charged $250 for it, and then rich assholes would buy it thinking it’s top of the line shit. Now if they were just doing this to sucker rich people, that would’ve been fine, then I’d just be upset that I wasn’t in on the scam, but clearly they thought of themselves as legitimate. Another great example to this fact is that a few years ago an independent study was done on home air filters. This study found a few inexpensive, “no name” brand models to be incredibly effective, and that the Sharper Image ones were absolutely terrible. Sharper Image then sued the study group. Fortunately nothing actually came of it since they had no grounds, but the papers actually were drawn up and delivered.
Patrick Swayze Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer
Now I’m not a Swayze fan per say. His being in movies I’ve watched has been coincidental, but I’ve always found him to be entertaining. On top of that he has always seemed like an easy going and fun guy. A fun note is that the story was broke by the National Inquirer who had one hell of a scoop on their hands but instead of just reporting it as is, they over embellished/lied about it, further insuring that they will never have any credibility as a legitimate news source. For any one reading this who doesn’t know, the National Inquirer reported that he was diagnosed and projected with only 2 weeks to live. Several people close to Mr. Swayze, including his doctor, his agent, and his mother, immediately came to the media to say that it’s no where near that bad and that at this point the cancer is minor, was caught early and is responding well to treatment. In any case, at some point in the near future I will be toasting the man’s life with a double feature viewing of Steel Dawn/Red Dawn. Wolverines, indeed.
Anotherdarkhole.com Officially Laid to Rest
The site is completely down, stripped away to an error page. I’m partially interested to see if someone else picks up the domain name years down the line. On the plus side I still have all the articles and what not saved on my hard drive for reflection. It’s only in retrospect now I realize that in paying for the domain service I was technically a self published writer for a time. Thanks to Caleb, the Rubicon, SNM, Pimp, everyone who’s ever visited even by accident, and everyone who in any way influenced anything we did. My only regret was that we never got to do a Random Celebrity Random Showdown featuring the Wall from American Gladiators, which was included in our list of events for the sole purpose of making a joke about the original Siren, who was deaf.
Rick Flair Retires
When it comes to wrestling, he truly is The Man! Yes greats have come before and will yet keep coming, but no one, absolutely no one will match the legacy that is Rick Flair. And on a personal note, my introduction to him was through absolutely amazing feuds with one of my personal childhood favorites, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat. Wrestlers today can only hope that their best matches can be as good as Flair and Steamboat’s worst ones. Thank you, Space Mountain for giving 100% every time you stepped in that ring. Wooooooooooo!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Iron Man (2008)
NOTE: Since this is a review for a movie still in theaters I’ve adjusted my usual style of addressing very specific parts of the story to a general review staying a vague as possible so as to not spoil anything major.
So Marvel finally realizes they can and should control their own movie properties and this is their first outing. Not a good start, which is tragic because I really enjoy John Favreau’s work and Robert Downey Jr. has become a frighteningly entertaining actor since sobering up. And then we get this turd pile.
Nah, I’m just messing with you, this movie was so awesome I can’t think of a proper metaphor to express it, and I’m a master of ridiculous metaphors.
I’ve already seen it twice, the first time was planned and then the next day a group of friends was going and invited me along so I went with them planning to try and find something wrong with the movie. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The only flaws in this movie could only be pointed out by someone purposely being a complete d*ck. For example; a scene where Iron Man is flying and is knocked out of the air sending him crashing into the ground from at least 100 feet up. Of course his suit could survive but technically he’d be jelly inside. Who the F cares, right?
The entire cast is through and through, perfect. Robert Downey Jr. not only looks the part of Tony Stark but he perfectly translates a man who learns that his irresponsible behavior has caused a lot of pain in the world and now must use a second chance in life to fix it all the while retaining at least some of that reckless behavior. Terrence Howard absolutely rocks as James Rhodes, Tony’s best friend who will eventually don the armor himself. Funny thing there is that apparently they cut out a lot of his scenes which is mind boggling because of how perfectly he’s used. Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane, possibly the most changed character from the comic version, is absolutely brilliant as a cold hearted, self serving villain. And even Gwyneth Paltrow who I’ve always been indifferent about, is incredible as the very capable, loyal personal assistant, Pepper Potts.
The story is so mind blowingly perfect that I can’t believe they pulled it off. Of course this may have something to do with a lot of help (and uncredited due to him doing it for free) from Shane Black, writer of such movies as Monster Squad, Lethal Weapon, and Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang. The whole movie is technically beginning to end an origin story but it never feels like it’s taking too long to tell it. And along the way there are plenty of little Iron Man (and Marvel Universe in general) comic history bits, such as John Favreau playing the part of Harold “Happy” Hogan, Tony’s chauffer and bodyguard.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that they sort of give into a Marvel Movie standard, but it’s done in a way that unlike Spider-Man 3, makes perfect sense, and that is showing our hero and villain with their masks off. It comes at the very end of the movie where Iron Man and Iron Monger are basically out of steam (Iron Man more so) and just pulling out all the stops to win the fight. Iron Man manages to disable Monger’s optics giving him reason to open up the armor so he can actually see. Just before this, Monger threw Iron Man off ripping off his helmet in the process. It works perfectly and in no way feels forced just adding to how awesome the movie is.
Marvel Movie Score: 10
Why That?: A new standard has been set. From here on every Marvel Movie will be judged by Iron Man’s complete perfection. It’s a perfect combination of Fantastic Four’s fun and Spider-Man’s seriousness. And I feel I should mention just how awesome Robert Downey Jr. truly is: Since a large portion of the story takes place in Afghanistan, a reporter asked Downey his opinion of the war in Iraq. Downey’s response was, “Shut the f up and let me enjoy my blockbuster.” Amen, brother. Now bring on the sequel!
So Marvel finally realizes they can and should control their own movie properties and this is their first outing. Not a good start, which is tragic because I really enjoy John Favreau’s work and Robert Downey Jr. has become a frighteningly entertaining actor since sobering up. And then we get this turd pile.
Nah, I’m just messing with you, this movie was so awesome I can’t think of a proper metaphor to express it, and I’m a master of ridiculous metaphors.
I’ve already seen it twice, the first time was planned and then the next day a group of friends was going and invited me along so I went with them planning to try and find something wrong with the movie. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The only flaws in this movie could only be pointed out by someone purposely being a complete d*ck. For example; a scene where Iron Man is flying and is knocked out of the air sending him crashing into the ground from at least 100 feet up. Of course his suit could survive but technically he’d be jelly inside. Who the F cares, right?
The entire cast is through and through, perfect. Robert Downey Jr. not only looks the part of Tony Stark but he perfectly translates a man who learns that his irresponsible behavior has caused a lot of pain in the world and now must use a second chance in life to fix it all the while retaining at least some of that reckless behavior. Terrence Howard absolutely rocks as James Rhodes, Tony’s best friend who will eventually don the armor himself. Funny thing there is that apparently they cut out a lot of his scenes which is mind boggling because of how perfectly he’s used. Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane, possibly the most changed character from the comic version, is absolutely brilliant as a cold hearted, self serving villain. And even Gwyneth Paltrow who I’ve always been indifferent about, is incredible as the very capable, loyal personal assistant, Pepper Potts.
The story is so mind blowingly perfect that I can’t believe they pulled it off. Of course this may have something to do with a lot of help (and uncredited due to him doing it for free) from Shane Black, writer of such movies as Monster Squad, Lethal Weapon, and Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang. The whole movie is technically beginning to end an origin story but it never feels like it’s taking too long to tell it. And along the way there are plenty of little Iron Man (and Marvel Universe in general) comic history bits, such as John Favreau playing the part of Harold “Happy” Hogan, Tony’s chauffer and bodyguard.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that they sort of give into a Marvel Movie standard, but it’s done in a way that unlike Spider-Man 3, makes perfect sense, and that is showing our hero and villain with their masks off. It comes at the very end of the movie where Iron Man and Iron Monger are basically out of steam (Iron Man more so) and just pulling out all the stops to win the fight. Iron Man manages to disable Monger’s optics giving him reason to open up the armor so he can actually see. Just before this, Monger threw Iron Man off ripping off his helmet in the process. It works perfectly and in no way feels forced just adding to how awesome the movie is.
Marvel Movie Score: 10
Why That?: A new standard has been set. From here on every Marvel Movie will be judged by Iron Man’s complete perfection. It’s a perfect combination of Fantastic Four’s fun and Spider-Man’s seriousness. And I feel I should mention just how awesome Robert Downey Jr. truly is: Since a large portion of the story takes place in Afghanistan, a reporter asked Downey his opinion of the war in Iraq. Downey’s response was, “Shut the f up and let me enjoy my blockbuster.” Amen, brother. Now bring on the sequel!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Fantastic Four 2 (2007)
And so in the wake of two, third installment movies, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer steps up to show us what a fun movie is supposed to be. Seeing the potential for it the producers decided to make this movie PG and geared towards families, and it’s pulled off well as it never really feels watered down though there are a few moments in the film that I’m surprised didn’t push it to PG-13.
Though not watered down, it does feel a bit campier than the first, but again that just adds to the fun of it. The oddest of these however is a scene at a dance club where Johnny has dragged Reed for his bachelor party. Reed is sitting with a group of women and explaining the Big Bang theory. Since it’s a family movie I can let this slide, however I just find it odd that Reed happened upon this many women who clearly have no idea what the Big Bang theory is. I imagine this was done for the sole purpose of letting Reed do some showy things with his powers, but still it would’ve made more sense if he was explaining something complicated like what the theory of relativity actually is, or quantum physics. Either way this is nitpicking. It does lead to a small scene of two girls getting Reed to loosen up and dance with them, again showing off his powers. This scene just feels off to me as the expression on Reeds face becomes way too self confident and uncharacteristically smug. But again, nitpicking.
On the front of things that aren’t nitpicking is the sudden decision to use a muppet to play Sue Storm. Oh wait, my mistake, that’s still Jessica Alba, they just decided to make her hair incredibly blonde and to give her blue contact lenses that make her look like a Barbie doll. Seriously, it’s very distracting and never stops being so.
Doctor Doom also makes his return and it looks to be very promising as he shows up getting his mask sawed off of his face, the skin beneath properly scarred. This is quickly done away with as he confronts the Silver Surfer and is somehow healed. Though they do armor him up better later, it’s just sad that they felt they couldn’t leave him scarred and just have him walk around fully armored.
Lastly I must point out the product placement for Dodge is just painful as it’s suggested that the Fantasticar is powered by a Hemi, leaving us to assume that for some reason a super advanced personal flying craft (that splits into three separate crafts) is powered by a combustible engine.
Aside from that the movie is yet again just incredibly fun and though I may have gone into length about what I didn’t like about the movie, the fun factor makes up for every bit of it.
Now a lot of fans complained about the appearance of Galactus, shown to us as a large cloud in space. Yes this is incredibly ridiculous in theory but upon further thought it has since become apparent that this cloud was meant only to represent the process which Galactus uses to absorb a planet’s energy.
The Silver Surfer himself is awesome, as is Stan Lee’s cameo as himself. Even the final fight scene with Johnny and Doom is awesome even though a major factor of Johnny’s involvement doesn’t make sense. Just like the first one you’re enjoying yourself too much to care.
Marvel Movie Score: 8.5
Why That?: This movie is a perfect companion to the first and hopefully they make a third and not drop the ball like Blade, X-Men, and Spider-Man did. It seems really evident that everyone involved just wanted movie goers to have a good time, and for me they succeeded. Oh, and it isn’t over two hours of people crying and moping. If they officially make a Spider-Man 4, the writers and producers better watch this movie first.
Though not watered down, it does feel a bit campier than the first, but again that just adds to the fun of it. The oddest of these however is a scene at a dance club where Johnny has dragged Reed for his bachelor party. Reed is sitting with a group of women and explaining the Big Bang theory. Since it’s a family movie I can let this slide, however I just find it odd that Reed happened upon this many women who clearly have no idea what the Big Bang theory is. I imagine this was done for the sole purpose of letting Reed do some showy things with his powers, but still it would’ve made more sense if he was explaining something complicated like what the theory of relativity actually is, or quantum physics. Either way this is nitpicking. It does lead to a small scene of two girls getting Reed to loosen up and dance with them, again showing off his powers. This scene just feels off to me as the expression on Reeds face becomes way too self confident and uncharacteristically smug. But again, nitpicking.
On the front of things that aren’t nitpicking is the sudden decision to use a muppet to play Sue Storm. Oh wait, my mistake, that’s still Jessica Alba, they just decided to make her hair incredibly blonde and to give her blue contact lenses that make her look like a Barbie doll. Seriously, it’s very distracting and never stops being so.
Doctor Doom also makes his return and it looks to be very promising as he shows up getting his mask sawed off of his face, the skin beneath properly scarred. This is quickly done away with as he confronts the Silver Surfer and is somehow healed. Though they do armor him up better later, it’s just sad that they felt they couldn’t leave him scarred and just have him walk around fully armored.
Lastly I must point out the product placement for Dodge is just painful as it’s suggested that the Fantasticar is powered by a Hemi, leaving us to assume that for some reason a super advanced personal flying craft (that splits into three separate crafts) is powered by a combustible engine.
Aside from that the movie is yet again just incredibly fun and though I may have gone into length about what I didn’t like about the movie, the fun factor makes up for every bit of it.
Now a lot of fans complained about the appearance of Galactus, shown to us as a large cloud in space. Yes this is incredibly ridiculous in theory but upon further thought it has since become apparent that this cloud was meant only to represent the process which Galactus uses to absorb a planet’s energy.
The Silver Surfer himself is awesome, as is Stan Lee’s cameo as himself. Even the final fight scene with Johnny and Doom is awesome even though a major factor of Johnny’s involvement doesn’t make sense. Just like the first one you’re enjoying yourself too much to care.
Marvel Movie Score: 8.5
Why That?: This movie is a perfect companion to the first and hopefully they make a third and not drop the ball like Blade, X-Men, and Spider-Man did. It seems really evident that everyone involved just wanted movie goers to have a good time, and for me they succeeded. Oh, and it isn’t over two hours of people crying and moping. If they officially make a Spider-Man 4, the writers and producers better watch this movie first.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Some say the mark of a great story is when the audience feels the emotions of that story’s characters. To laugh when the characters laugh, become angry when the characters become angry, to cry when the characters cry. Well with Spider-Man 3 the audience sure did cry, but less than half as much as Peter Parker.
Spider-Man 3 is a sad moment in movie history for a few reasons, most notably being such a horrible follow up to two incredible action movies, and it marks a very low point for one of my favorite directors and personalities, Sam Raimi.
I could go on and on and on about all of the painful flaws of this movie, but since they are all incredibly obvious ones like wanting to yell, “Stop crying!” and “Keep that damn mask on!” at Parker, I will place some focus on the good things.
Two of the three villains were done superbly. Harry’s decent into madness has been built up perfectly and I loved the idea of him just bluntly attacking Peter physically totally out of nowhere (from Peter’s POV that is). The ensuing memory loss and return was done nicely as well, changing his tactic from physical to psychological attacks. Of course the only thing that absolutely sucked about his story was the scene with his butler. It didn’t have to go completely, but the whole reasoning given during it makes absolutely no sense.
Then there’s Eddie Brock/Venom. Though given little screen time as Venom, the necessity for more was done away with by establishing Eddie as being completely insane. The guy is obviously lost in his own warped reality, and that’s not sarcasm on my part. He had coffee with Gwen Stacy once and immediately acts as though they’re a serious couple. He consciously commits a massive act of fraud and doesn’t get why he should be fired for it. Back to Gwen Stacy for a moment, he sees her on a date with Parker (the only one they go on and that ends horribly) and he thinks Parker stole her from him. It was perfect.
Sadly those are the only high notes in the movie aside from J.K. Simmons stealing every scene he’s in for the third time running. Sure the Sandman looked cool, but did he really have to be such an overly sympathetic character? And did you know that his first appearance in the comics was showing up at Peter’s high school and demanding he be given a high school diploma? Yes I am being incredibly serious. Ah the innocence of the 60’s. Plus using him to drastically change Spider-Man’s origin was just lame. I get how what they did didn’t completely change things, but there was no reason for it other than to make Peter mad.
I honestly believe a lot of story elements would be forgivable if it wasn’t just all rehashing what’s already been told in the first two movies. This entire movie is another chapter to Spider-Man’s origin story so no matter how cool the action scenes are, the story went no where. It was just another tale of, “Why is Peter, Spider-Man?” and trying to balance his personal life with his responsibilities. And it was hammered into our heads, too, unlike the first two movies that just flowed. Peter even flat out says, “We always have a choice.” Additionally it ended the same way as the first two; Mary Jane gets kidnapped by the villain, Spider-Man has to save her and gets a severe beat down in the process. This all goes to disprove the old adage of, “Third time’s a charm.”
A saving grace for Sam and Ivan Raimi (who wrote the movie) is how much pressure they were under from producers to keep throwing in more and more characters and story lines from the comics, primarily Gwen Stacy and Eddie Brock. One producer went as far as to talk out of her ass about how the fans wanted to see Gwen. Yeah we did, in the first movie before the introduction of Mary Jane just like she was in the comics. I have absolutely no problem with them starting with Mary Jane, skipping over Gwen completely, but to claim that the fans want the story to go backwards? Plus, her character is completely wasted here versus what she meant in the comics (read Spider-Man: Blue by Jeph Loeb).
Obviously compared to the previous movies this one falls short. To give a colorful analogy it’s like the three movies were in a long jump contest together. 1 and 2 landed at the same distance, breaking a world record, but when 3’s turn came up, it forgot to jump, running straight into the sand, tripping, and falling onto its face.
Marvel Movie Score: 4.5
Why That?: The fight scenes are awesome, I love the looks of all the characters, yes even Harry’s “New Goblin” outfit. And clearly it had potential, who knows what would’ve happened if there was a different writing team and producers had backed off as they did for Spider-Man 2. In the end, it was barely decent.
Spider-Man 3 is a sad moment in movie history for a few reasons, most notably being such a horrible follow up to two incredible action movies, and it marks a very low point for one of my favorite directors and personalities, Sam Raimi.
I could go on and on and on about all of the painful flaws of this movie, but since they are all incredibly obvious ones like wanting to yell, “Stop crying!” and “Keep that damn mask on!” at Parker, I will place some focus on the good things.
Two of the three villains were done superbly. Harry’s decent into madness has been built up perfectly and I loved the idea of him just bluntly attacking Peter physically totally out of nowhere (from Peter’s POV that is). The ensuing memory loss and return was done nicely as well, changing his tactic from physical to psychological attacks. Of course the only thing that absolutely sucked about his story was the scene with his butler. It didn’t have to go completely, but the whole reasoning given during it makes absolutely no sense.
Then there’s Eddie Brock/Venom. Though given little screen time as Venom, the necessity for more was done away with by establishing Eddie as being completely insane. The guy is obviously lost in his own warped reality, and that’s not sarcasm on my part. He had coffee with Gwen Stacy once and immediately acts as though they’re a serious couple. He consciously commits a massive act of fraud and doesn’t get why he should be fired for it. Back to Gwen Stacy for a moment, he sees her on a date with Parker (the only one they go on and that ends horribly) and he thinks Parker stole her from him. It was perfect.
Sadly those are the only high notes in the movie aside from J.K. Simmons stealing every scene he’s in for the third time running. Sure the Sandman looked cool, but did he really have to be such an overly sympathetic character? And did you know that his first appearance in the comics was showing up at Peter’s high school and demanding he be given a high school diploma? Yes I am being incredibly serious. Ah the innocence of the 60’s. Plus using him to drastically change Spider-Man’s origin was just lame. I get how what they did didn’t completely change things, but there was no reason for it other than to make Peter mad.
I honestly believe a lot of story elements would be forgivable if it wasn’t just all rehashing what’s already been told in the first two movies. This entire movie is another chapter to Spider-Man’s origin story so no matter how cool the action scenes are, the story went no where. It was just another tale of, “Why is Peter, Spider-Man?” and trying to balance his personal life with his responsibilities. And it was hammered into our heads, too, unlike the first two movies that just flowed. Peter even flat out says, “We always have a choice.” Additionally it ended the same way as the first two; Mary Jane gets kidnapped by the villain, Spider-Man has to save her and gets a severe beat down in the process. This all goes to disprove the old adage of, “Third time’s a charm.”
A saving grace for Sam and Ivan Raimi (who wrote the movie) is how much pressure they were under from producers to keep throwing in more and more characters and story lines from the comics, primarily Gwen Stacy and Eddie Brock. One producer went as far as to talk out of her ass about how the fans wanted to see Gwen. Yeah we did, in the first movie before the introduction of Mary Jane just like she was in the comics. I have absolutely no problem with them starting with Mary Jane, skipping over Gwen completely, but to claim that the fans want the story to go backwards? Plus, her character is completely wasted here versus what she meant in the comics (read Spider-Man: Blue by Jeph Loeb).
Obviously compared to the previous movies this one falls short. To give a colorful analogy it’s like the three movies were in a long jump contest together. 1 and 2 landed at the same distance, breaking a world record, but when 3’s turn came up, it forgot to jump, running straight into the sand, tripping, and falling onto its face.
Marvel Movie Score: 4.5
Why That?: The fight scenes are awesome, I love the looks of all the characters, yes even Harry’s “New Goblin” outfit. And clearly it had potential, who knows what would’ve happened if there was a different writing team and producers had backed off as they did for Spider-Man 2. In the end, it was barely decent.
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