Man-Thing (2005)

I contemplated whether or not to review Man-Thing for quite a while since it’s a) made for TV, and b) horrible. However when it first went into production, in fact while it was still being filmed, it was intended for theatrical release so I decided to go for it and just keep it short.

Another history lesson: Man-Thing and Swamp Thing were actually created by two roommates who started down the same path and then each put their own spin on a basic idea. They then amicably took their ideas to the two different big houses of comics, DC and Marvel, and sold them off.

When watching Man-Thing it’s hard to believe that it was ever intended for theatrical release as almost every aspect of it screams, “Made for TV.” While I’m sure they wouldn’t have advertised it as a Marvel film, since the character is fairly obscure, it still doesn’t really work as a horror movie. Most of the plethora of lame PG-13 horror movies to come out in the past few years, are scarier than this. However it does start exactly like one would expect a lame slasher flick to start; a couple of teens getting it on get slaughtered mysteriously. Here’s the lame thing about that, Man-Thing doesn’t just kill indiscriminately like that. In fact being part of nature you’d think he’d encourage one of the most natural instincts of all living creatures, but whatever.

Oddly though the story is taken from a Man-Thing comic story, where in a rich land developer is trying to buy up all the land of the swamp the Man-Thing protects, killing anyone who gets in his way. Unfortunately this story follows the new sheriff in town, you know, the one from the city who clashes with the locals and their set ways, and we don’t even really see Man-Thing until the end of the movie.

Marvel Movie Score = 0.5

Why That?: Mostly because it’s not as bad as Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four. In fact if it weren’t based on a Marvel Comic, it’d be a decent made for TV movie. Still a bad movie, but decent. Really the only thing this movie has going for it is in the beginning when the two teens are killed, the girl has a great rack. And considering I don’t give a rat’s ass about nudity in film, that’s saying something.